Welcome to the Joke or My Ecphrasis Tale

The stairway was dark and cold as the man slowly descended into the abyss. He wore dark clothing and sunglasses obscured his eyes. On his back he carried a katana. The man entered the subway station, leaving the stairs behind. The only light which penetrated the darkness came from two florescent lights in the ceiling, which blinked on and off periodically. His breath appeared before him in a cloud of steam. He spoke into the darkness, “I’m here. Now where are you?” From the shadow of the tracks came a tall, articulate man. He wore a navy suit and carried a claymore over his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here, my old friend. Are you ready to settle this?” The man with the katana gracefully unsheathed the blade. “Yes, Michael, I believe I am.” Michael charged, raising his claymore high above his head. But the man made no move, for he was more interested in pin on Michael’s lapel. It was an American flag. It mesmerized him, until the point where Michael swung to deliver the death blow. But the man was gone. Suddenly the man felt a cool breeze on his face, and he was blinded by bright light. When he regained his sight he was astonished to see that he was no longer in the station. For the man found himself standing in Washington D.C. He sheathed his blade while those around him looked on curiously. He was on the steps of the capital, surrounded by business people and tourists. To his surprise a woman ran up to him and grabbed his arm, ushering him inside the building. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked him. “Are you actively trying to destroy everything we’ve been working for? You are way too important to the organization to lose, but if this happens again I will not hesitate to kill you myself. Now get out of here. I’ll see you in New York.” She pushed a small note in front of his face. He was just able to recognize it as binary code before he found himself somewhere new. He was in the mountains, likely close to a peak for there was snow all around him. About a hundred yards ahead of him lay a small concrete building lying low to the ground. A man wearing a puffy, white parka and with goggles ran up to him. “You must be the one we’ve been waiting for. Come with me.” The man in the parka led him into the building and into an elevator. They descended for several minutes during which the man in the parka introduced himself a Jack. The elevator came to a stop and revealed to them a large chamber filled with computers and scientists. They were crunching numbers and typing codes. Jack led the man with the katana to a giant light-up grid of the United States. “This is it, swordsman”, said Jack. “Make us proud out there.” The swordsman stared up at the grid until he was drawn to one single point. Jack wrote something down in a notebook and said, “Thank you for the assistance. Have a pleasant trip.” With that the swordsman felt himself leave the bunker and found that he was somewhere new. The swordsman was on the edge of a cliff, staring out at the ocean. The salt was overpowering and he could hear gulls in the distance. A man walked up beside him and took a deep breath, staring out at the ocean. “It’s beautiful, don’t you think?” The man looked at him. “You don’t have to be their puppet, you know. You have a choice. Even if your father thought it was inevitable, it still comes back to you. Just remember that when you get to New York.” With that the man turned and walked away, dropping a coin at the feet of the swordsman. He picked it up and studied the markings. At the bottom he found a phrase in Latin. The swordsman read it over and over until the coin slipped from his hand and he was gone. The swordsman found himself at the base of a ruined temple. There was no one around for miles. A woman descended from the temple to the swordsman. “Get up here!” she called. The swordsman approached the woman cautiously. She led him into the warmly lit temple and up to an altar. “This is where all your power comes from. I thought it would be good for you to know your origins. It might not make a difference but at least it will bring some closure.” She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. He smiled and felt a peace come over him. And for a moment the swordsman felt whole. He opened his eyes and looked onto the altar. His eyes fixed onto a strange symbol etched into the marble. The swordsman lost his peace and was flung back into madness as the temple slipped away and he found himself on a warm tropical beach. A man wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, and a wide brimmed hat walked over to meet him. “It’s been awhile, swordsman. I’ve missed your company. I heard the organization had recently recruited you for a high priority assignment but I had no idea that they would go this far. Swordsman, you must stop them. Nothing good will come of this. Nothing ever does.” The man in the Hawaiian shirt then left the swordsman, and walked down the beach. The swordsman sighed deeply and looked around the empty beach. Something in the sand caught his eye and he bent down to see what it was. He dug a small, red bottle cap out of the sand and held it in his hand. Suddenly the swordsman was on the roof of an office building staring up at the Texas night sky. A man in a black suit approached him, offering his hand. The swordsman shook it and looked at the man. “It is an honor to meet you, Mr., uh, Swordsman. The organization thanks you greatly for your participation in the Times Square project. I’m sure you’re very anxious for tomorrow. It’s going to be an eventful day, for everyone. I’d offer you a drink but it seems that you must be leaving. Good luck in New York, sir.” With that, the man gave the swordsman a postcard and left. He studied it and found that it was a picture of Times Square in New York. His eyes locked and he felt himself leaving the rooftop. The swordsman looked around the large, brightly lit square. He was surprised to find that it was empty. There was not a tourist in sight, but there appeared to be a small group of people assembled there. The woman from the capital was standing in the middle of the square waiting for him. The swordsman walked over to her. “It’s about time you got here. Everything is ready; we just need you to set it off.” “Wait”, said the swordsman interrupting her, “what is going on?” “Are you really doing this right now? The bomb, you idiot, you need to set off the bomb.” “What? What bomb? What the hell are you talking about?” “Did someone erase your memory? Well here’s a recap. The organization recruited you for the Times Square project several months ago. Your job was to set off the bomb once it was prepared and in place. Well the bomb is ready and the time has come.” “But why would the organization want to destroy New York?” “The city will not be completely destroyed, and this will bring a great unity to the country. By destroying America’s Rome the people of America will be united in grief and eventually just united. But I need you swordsman to finish what many great men started.” She turned to the small group behind her and gestured. The man in the black suit from Texas brought forth a disheveled man wearing a plaid shirt. He looked close to death, and unstable. He swayed as he stood before the swordsman and the woman. “Kill him”, she said, “or I’ll kill you.” She drew her gun and waited. The swordsman calmly drew him blade. Its blade shone brilliantly in the neon of the square. He grasped it tightly with both hands and thrust it through the man who was the bomb. He slid the blade out quickly, removed the blood with a sharp flick, and returned it to its sheath on his back. The man glowed an eerie red and roared with pain. The swordsman then realized what he had done. Panic set in and he looked around erratically. His eyes locked onto a sign pointing to the subway. The swordsman was blinded by a bright light and the roar of an explosion filled his ears and then he was gone.
The swordsman woke on the stairs of the subway station. Michael was lying dead on the floor several feet away. He stood and examined the body in the semi darkness. Had any of that been real? Was it all just a dream? Or was it something more. For Michael had been taken down by three gunshots to the chest. “Your payment”, said the woman as she approached him from the shadows. “What was your reason for wanting to kill him, swordsman?” “It’s complicated.” “Come on, swordsman. We have a city to mend.” The woman took hold of the swordsman’s arm and led him up the stairs, into the ruins of New York City.

Latin exam part 2

PART II7. (100 points) for this part, you may use the Latin Library site, but no dictionaries. Answer the following in a five paragraph academic essay: Using the Book of Job from the Vulgate Translation, explain: if God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good, then why do bad things happen to good people? Your answer must cite the Latin text no less than 10 times or you will not receive ANY credit for your answer. You do not have to translate the Latin.

The ultimate question of evil is tricky. The world is filled with darkness and terrible events. But while religion attempts to answer this question, it falls short time after time. The Christian religion relays that God has a plan for all people and that one can never understand it. And yet people will forever ask “Why me?” This is the problem of evil. For evil can never be defeated, because God will not prevent evil as it is his own creation.
The book of Job shows a very strange picture of God. Early on in the book God meets with Satan. “quadam autem die cum venissent filii Dei ut adsisterent coram Domino adfuit inter eos etiam Satan” During this meeting the two beings discuss a man by the name of Job. “vir erat in terra Hus nomine Iob et erat vir ille simplex et rectus ac timens Deum et recedens a malo” God is quite proud of him but Satan wishes to end this good will. “sed extende paululum manum tuam et tange cuncta quae possidet nisi in facie tua benedixerit tibi” So the two strike up a bet of sorts. And thus God changes from the great Father to a man with something to prove. God allows a good man to be tested by evil. He allows this to happen even though Job has always been faithful. Perhaps God cares less about man than one may believe.
So Job becomes a target on Satan’s dart board. “loquebatur ille et ecce alius intravit et dixit filiis tuis et filiabus vescentibus et bibentibus vinum in domo fratris sui primogeniti repente ventus vehemens inruit a regione deserti et concussit quattuor angulos domus quae corruens oppressit liberos tuos et mortui sunt et effugi ego solus ut nuntiarem tibi” His family is gone and so too are his livestock. “nuntius venit ad Iob qui diceret boves arabant et asinae pascebantur iuxta eoset inruerunt Sabei tuleruntque omnia et pueros percusserunt gladio et evasi ego solus ut nuntiarem tibi” So Job is now a defeated man who should be cursing God. Yet he does not. Perhaps because of his faith or maybe out of fear for what else could happen. God has not allowed this man to learn but rather to fear him with greater presence. But Satan still wishes Job to curse God so he asks another favor of the lord. “cui respondens Satan ait pellem pro pelle et cuncta quae habet homo dabit pro anima sua alioquin mitte manum tuam et tange os eius et carnem et tunc videbis quod in facie benedicat tibi” And considering this God continued on the escapade. “dixit ergo Dominus ad Satan ecce in manu tua est verumtamen animam illius serva” Thus God continues to harm an innocent Man to prove a pointo to the dark lord.
But by the end of the book Job finally breaks down. He asks God what he did to deserve such a punishment, and God responds. “respondens autem Dominus Iob de turbine ait accinge sicut vir lumbos tuos interrogabo te et indica mihi” Is this the New Testament God of forgiveness? This deity seems more like the pagan gods of the Norse, who let their anger flow freely like a river. He goes on and on speaking to Job as if he were an ignorant fool. He mentions his great achievements like the Behemoth. “ecce Behemoth quem feci tecum faenum quasi bos comedet” God only comes short of smiting him. And yet he forgives Job his wrong doing. He returns to Job his old life and his family. “Dominus autem benedixit novissimis Iob magis quam principio eius et facta sunt ei quattuordecim milia ovium et sex milia camelorum et mille iuga boum et mille asinae et fuerunt ei septem filii et filiae tres” But in the end God put an innocent man through the torment of Satan for nothing. Satan won the contest. He broke Job, even if it was just a slight fracture. The only thing that can really be shown is how significant we are to God. Yet he still allows untold suffering to occur in the world. Satan brings evil and God created Satan. God brought evil into the world even if he does not cause evil. But at least Job lived happily the rest of his life. “vixit autem Iob post haec centum quadraginta annis et vidit filios suos et filios filiorum suorum usque ad quartam generationem et mortuus est senex et plenus dierum”
Evil will always exist in the world. There can be no escaping it. Even the end will be marked with fear and destruction. Perhaps all one can do is keep the faith and hope for a brighter tomorrow. And even sometimes that isn’t even enough. For God may be our creator and loving parent but he will not protect us from all evil.

Latin exam part 1

This exam is designed to challenge you and to assess your understanding of Roman culture and the Latin language. May your understanding shine through.PART I1. (10 points) Translate the following.Please write your translation next to or under the poem.Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,rumoresque senum seueriorumomnes unius aestimemus assis!soles occidere et redire possunt:nobis cum semel occidit breuis lux,nox est perpetua una dormienda.da mi basia mille, deinde centum,dein mille altera, dein secunda centum,deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum.dein, cum milia multa fecerimus,conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus,aut ne quis malus inuidere possit,cum tantum sciat esse basiorum.
We see my Lesbia, however love, and value all the rumors of the crotchety old men at less than one cent! The sun rises and is able to rest: now stay until the brief light falls, night is for perpetual sleep. Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then another thousand, then a second hundred, then yet another thousand, then a hundred. Then, when we have made many kisses, combine these, now we rest, for they are not able to do evil, when there are great kisses. 2. (10 points) In a five paragraph academic essay, answer the following question: Some scholars believe that although this poem is addressed to Lesbia, Catullus actually wrote it with the intention of criticizing the publicly espoused mores of the Republican Roman aristocracy. Explain how these scholars get this idea and then argue either in defense of the theory or argue against it. You must cite no less than 2 examples of grammatical or syntactical evidence from the poem to back up your claim.
Catullus was a writer of great passion. He used words to create vivid scenes of love and to destroy his critics. But the one true love in Catullus’s life was Lesbia. She was a promiscuous maiden with a wedding ring and the key to Catullus’s heart. In his collections of work, Catullus wrote numerous poems to the fair Lesbia. But some of these have become questionable among scholars. It is thought by some that his poem Give me a Thousand Kisses is really a shot at the Republican Roman aristocracy. This theory has great credit because Catullus is well known for his scarsam and biting wit.
The reason for scholars doubting the sincerity of the poem lies within the content. In the very beginning of the poem, Catullus criticizes the old men and their words writing, “rumoresque senum seueriorum omnes unius aestimemus assis!” Obviously he does not value their opinion. Also, although Catullus might have been in lust with Lesbia their love is unlikely. So it is not a far stretch that Catullus with his other harsh writings would go after them in a fake love poem.
The poem in question shows many signs of being a jab at the aristocracy. Their affluent lifestyle and constant want for more is parodied in Catullus’ request for more kisses. “da mi basia mille, deinde centum, dein mille altera, dein secunda centum,” And this continues on for several more lines. He is exaggerating his love for her and want of kisses to prove a point. That those families in power in Rome are just greedy fools.
Catullus had a reason behind the deception in this poem. Many times his works are attacks or lessons, or just him joking around. But Catullus was also capable of social commentary. This poem expresses his dislike of the aristocrats and their method of ruling. He wanted to be known as a person with real merit and not just a foul mouthed poet.
While Catullus has a dark side there is more to him than meets the eye. He could use his poetry and a little slight of hand to express his feeling at the time. He was a man of love, witnessed by his various poems to Lesbia, but that was only part of the man. With all his talents there is no wonder why Catullus’ works have survived to this day. Even with all his love for Lesbia, the poem is a social satire and a mocking of the aristocrats.

3. (10 points) Translate the following.Please write your translation under the text.Catullus I.ICui dono lepidum novum libellumarida modo pumice expolitum?Corneli, tibi: namque tu solebasmeas esse aliquid putare nugasiam tum, cum ausus es unus Italorumomne aevum tribus explicare cartisdoctis, Iuppiter, et laboriosis.quare habe tibi quidquid hoc libelliqualecumque; quod, patrona virgoplus uno maneat perenne saeclo.
Who shall I give my new little book to which has just been polished with the pumice stone? Cornelius, you, and you alone who my love goes out to the scholar, with maps of Italy which you study alone, Jupiter, and work. How you have this because the book rests and waits, which, pure protection to one so great as you. 4. (10 points) Some scholars have argued that Ovid's story of Europa and the Bull is a metaphor for the Augustan Era. Do you agree or disagree? Write your response in a 5 paragraph academic essay. Ovid is one of the greatest authors to ever come out of the Roman age. He compiled the most well known Roman myths into a tome called the Metamorphoses. All the myths he included featured change as a major theme. Some deal with physical changes while others are more internal. One which has a host of changes is Europa and the Bull. But this story goes much deeper than its face value. Europa and the Bull is a clever metaphorical tale about the great Augustus.
The story deals with the founding of Europe and Jupiter. He transforms into a bull to seduce the young Europa. But this is not the only change occurring. Ovid lived in the era of Augustus, the greatest period of the Roman empire. His coming ushered in the greatness of Rome. And as Europa founded Europe, he founded the Empire.
There is also the mythological context. Jupiter was the one who brought Europa to the land that would become Europe. And thus he must have brought Augustus to Rome to quell the civil war and rescue the empire. Also this would fit in the Metamorphoses. The coming of Augustus was a great change to the people of Rome. As was his founding of the empire in general. So Ovid was making a statement about the time he lived in.
Although Augustus was the greatest ruler of Rome, he was not Ovid’s biggest fan. He even had him exiled after he published a book on seduction. Yet Ovid loved him Rome altogether. So Europe was founded by Augustus with the aid of Jupiter. He created the greatest ruling power of the western world. All these things hidden in a simple myth about a girl and a Bull. Ovid truly was great.
Many things make a myth. Misunderstanding of the facts, a terrible event, and even good graces. But all the myths in the Metamorphoses are alike for they deal with change. Ovid’s live saw great change within Rome itself. Augustus became emperor and the golden age began. And because of Augustus’ greatness we still see his influence today, even in an old myth.




5. (10 points) Please scan the following and find three literary devices.
XITu ne quaesieris (scire nefas) quem mihi, quem tibifinem di dederint, Leuconoe, nec Babyloniostemptaris numeros. Vt melius quicquid erit pati!Seu pluris hiemes seu tribuit Iuppiter ultimam,quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicibus mare 5Tyrrhenum, sapias, uina liques et spatio breuispem longam reseces. Dum loquimur, fugerit inuidaaetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.

Latin Lit terms Movie

Although i was delayed due to production costs, here it is. Enjoy!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGTGEqa6Og8

Chapter 42 Book of Job

God responded to Job saying, I know all which can be and none may lie hidden from my thinking, who exists that is able to conceal their debate from my knowledge therefore speak foolishly and past the furthest of my knowledge for I listen and I speak interrogation and reveal me, I listen to the breeze to hear what my eyes are not able to see, therefore I restrain myself and drive regret into the ashes and embers, after this however the Lord spoke these words to Job saying to Eliphaz Themaniten, anger is my madness in you and in your two friends because none exist who speak to me in person my righteous servant Job. Therefore you begin with the seven bulls and the seven sheep and go about my servant Job and offer a sacrifice on behalf of yourself Job however beseech me my servant in your form to undertake that none claim your stupidity nor speak to me as if I were your servant Job. Therefore depart Eliphaz Themanites and Baldad Suites and Sophar Naamathites and make speeches about the Lord and accept the form of the Lord, Job. The Lord’s conversation was to change Job when he prayed that his friends would be clothed and the Lord increased all that was Job’s twofold. However then all his brothers came to him and all his sisters and all those who he had known from earlier and they ate bread with him in his house and moved above his head and comforted him in all the bad things which the Lord had allowed upon him and each one gave him one sheep and one pair of golden ear rings. The Lord however blessed the new Job who was wise in his principals and they made him forty thousand sheep and six thousand camels and a thousand yoke of ox and a thousand donkeys and they were made his seven sons and three daughters and his name was called alone one day and the second name Cassius and name the third horn antimony. However they were not to come upon the beautiful daughters of Job in the whole land and gave the fathers inheritance between the brothers. However Job lived after this for a hundred and forty years and his sons and his sons own sons up to the fourth generation and he died an old man and full of days.

SSALP- Back and better than ever!

Well folks its been awhile but we're back with some awesome phrases to entertain your brain. This is one for those days when you just start hating machines.

Machina improba! Vel mihi ede potum vel mihi redde nummos meos!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!

Well have fun berating giant mechanical beasts, folks. As for me, I've got an All-Spark to find. Until next time...

Book of Job ch 1

In the land of Hus there lived a man named Job and he was a simple and honest man and feared God and avoided evil, he had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep and three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred she donkey and and exceeding large family and he was greater than all the men in all the East. and his sons walked and made banquets in the home one which lasted all the day for his men and sent they spoke to the three daughters that they put away the banquet and they drank with him. At the time around the day of the banquet they were sent by Job and they sanctified the ambushed and offered the burned sacrifice for the one God they said truly my sons have sinned and they praise God in their hearts thus they make Job all day. Then However on the day when the sons went God appeared before them